"I spend every waking hour scrolling, swiping, texting, and it's all just hurtful or meaningless."
In one brief venting moment, over a couple of Gimlets in a crowded Manhattan bar, And Just Like That… Season 3 takes aim at dating in 2025. In episode 2, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and her former neighbour Lisette (Katerina Tannenbaum) are catching up in a New York hotspot, when Lisette expresses her frustration at how involved technology is with her dating life.
"It's actually not about him, it's about this," she says, pointing to her iPhone. "My phone is who I am in a relationship with…I'm so sick of it, I'm so done." To drive home the point, Lisette then accidentally tosses her phone across the bar and conveniently hits a handsome stranger, who then buys them both Gimlets, wheels in motion. It's not a subtle message: meeting IRL is the way.
Lisette's not alone at this moment; she's embodying dating app fatigue.
"Is it any wonder 79 per cent of Gen Z daters and 80 per cent of millennial daters feel burnt out by dating apps, according to a 2024 study by Forbes Health?" writes Mashable's Rachel Thompson in her book, The Love Fix.
"This is unsurprising given that these apps are now engineered to keep people active on these apps for as long as possible. To the apps, you're at your most valuable when you're an active user — trapped in the revolving door of swiping, matching, chatting. Where's the incentive to make dating apps work better, to allow your most valuable assets to break free?"
Lisette even projects assumptions about single women "having it better" when courting in the 19th century — a trend that rears its head every time a new season of Bridgerton lands. When Carrie mentions that her house in Gramercy was built in the 1840s and that she loves picturing the women who lived there before her, Lisette cannonballs into venting about dating in 2025, describing being stood up by a psychiatrist whose text messages are deeply patronising.
"It must have been so much easier to be single back then," Lisette says. "I mean, it's such a messed-up time to be dating."
"It's no secret that singles have been disenchanted with dating apps lately," Mashable's Anna Iovine writes. "Users complain that apps are copying each other with similar features and encourage bad behavior like ghosting, and they're trying to branch out into IRL activities instead (even dungeon sound baths)."
Sex and the City has long been tentative about tech and dating
Sex and the City and And Just Like That… have always dipped a toe in the relationship between sex, dating, relationships, and technology, though the former ended in 2004 before the dating app boom of the 2010s. Sex and the City dabbled in the online dating space in Season 2, episode 12, when Carrie's best friend Stanford (Willie Garson) met user "Bigtool4u" in a chatroom as "Rick9+" then IRL at a bar.
And Just Like That… tried its hand with dating app discourse in Season 1. In episode 7, Carrie, a longtime tech agnostic, tries dating apps for the first time after the death of her husband (her publisher Amanda (Ashlie Atkinson) encourages her to go on a date to give her readers "some element of hope" at the end of her book on grief). Signed up by Seema (Sarita Choudhury) to an ambiguous dating platform, she swipes through a couple of profiles before she matches with 53-year-old widower Peter (Jon Tenney) and goes on a decent date with him (yes, it ends with them puking in the street, but it's still nice).
Here, And Just Like That... missed an opportunity to connect with modern dating as it actually stands, as Carrie's experience really doesn't do justice to the real dating app fatigue users might identify with. Swiping through countless profiles has become synonymous with dating apps, with some apps like Tinder adding swiping limits and others like Bumble prone to cutting you off if they think you're on a swiping frenzy As Thompson writes in her book, "Dating, especially online dating, often feels like a numbers game — with emphasis on 'game.'"
And luckily for Carrie, her experience doesn't include the complex "talking stage," the pressure around meeting up IRL, and the possibility of being ghosted, cloaked, or stood up. It's pretty breezy, right up until they both vomit in the gutter together.
Despite flouting real 2025 dating woes, Season 3 of And Just Like That… seems to be actively spurning all forms of digital connection at every turn. In the first episode, Seema quite literally sets her apartment on fire while waiting for a video call from her long-distance partner. But dating IRL doesn't get much easier for our characters — Miranda's (Cynthia Nixon) "dating bingo" goes terribly initially, and Seema's decision to use an in-person matchmaking service is a very disempowering experience for her.
Entirely defined by Aidan's (John Corbett) set boundaries of communication, Carrie's long-distance relationship is portrayed as awkward and solitary — and mostly played out on smartphone. For the most part, branded with an unattainable "easy breezy" Cool Girl energy this season, Carrie is allowed fleetingly human moments of frustration over Aidan's lack of contact, constantly checking her phone for responses that come in mere emoji form.
"Texting and emojis are not a relationship," Carrie vents to Miranda. "A relationship is standing across from someone and saying, 'What you do think?' and then they say, 'What do you think?'"
Phone sex is deeply unsexy in Season 3, with a cringeworthy scene between Carrie and Aidan in the first episode. Thrown off by her staring kitten, Carrie fakes an orgasm on a call with Aidan and feels uncomfortable afterwards, deeming herself disingenuous. "I faked phone sex…and now I feel dishonest," she says to Miranda and Charlotte.
Essentially, nobody wins when it comes to technology, sex, and relationships in And Just Like That... Season 3. It's reminiscent of a broader fatigue beyond the show, and may have people throwing their phones across bars just to fuck around and find out.
Topics HBO
