Gender stereotypes are still alive and well in the online dating world, study says

He's just not that into you when you text him first.
 By   on 
Original image replaced with Mashable logo
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Women, if you think it serves you well to write the first message after matching with a guy, you're wrong. Men, if you think that financial success is irrelevant in dating, you, too, are mistaken. At least if we are to believe the numbers.

Online dating may have practically revolutionised how we date in modern society, but apparently traditional gender roles still dictate how men and women engage in online courtship.

In a major new study from the Oxford Internet Institute (OII), researchers have looked at data from 150,000 – exclusively cisgendered, heterosexual – users on the dating site eHarmony over a 10 year period in the UK. Their findings show that both men and women still exhibit gender stereotypical behaviour when dating online.

The study concludes that online dating has not just perpetuated male dominated initiation, but exacerbated it, since men are 30 percent more likely to write the first message.

Mashable Trend Report
Decode what’s viral, what’s next, and what it all means.
Sign up for Mashable’s weekly Trend Report newsletter.
By clicking Sign Me Up, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Thanks for signing up!

When women do initiate contact, it doesn't do them much good. The study shows that women's response rate goes down 15 percent when they are the ones to write first. It puts the inequality in the who-writes-first game down to "learned norms".

The study also argues that since Tinder was introduced the "psychological costs" of messaging has declined for men – they simply care less. To put things in context, Tinder was first released in 2012 and had a billion swipes per day by 2014.

The study also shows that yes, women are more likely to be evaluated on their looks than men. Some of the most important factors for determining women's success were physical traits such as age and athleticism, while men are being judged by their degree of agreeableness and altruism as well as their athleticism. Being clever predicts success for men but not for women.

Men, on the other hand, have more reason to be concerned with the size of their pay check than women, since women are still 30 percent more likely to take income into consideration when looking for a partner. But, the study concludes that, over time, a partner's income is becoming less and less important for both men demonstrating that Brits are generally becoming more and more open to dating people with a different financial and educational background.

So, ladies, please be young and fit and whatever you do, don't write first. Gentlemen, be well-paid, well-behaved and willing to take initiative at all times. Or, you know, go with your gut and be yourself because that's the most important thing.

Topics Gender


Recommended For You
What it's like to go to an 'anti-dating apps social'
A composite of three images of BODA socials, showing lots of people standing in bars talking to each other.

Learn to code, they said: AI is already erasing some entry-level coding jobs
Robot graduation cap


The hidden consequences of being banned from dating apps
hand holding smartphone with heart icon in the middle

The best dating apps of 2025, tested & reviewed
illustration of two women meeting at a bar

More in Life

Stock up on Duracell AA batteries while they're at a record-low price at Amazon
Duracell batteries sit in rows in front of a brown Duracell box. Behind this is a blue background with blue circles

10 best last-minute Prime Day deals to level up your home chef setup
silver immersion blender, red stand mixer, and mini food processor on blue prime day background

30+ of the best Prime Day deals for under $25: Echo, Philips, and more
Under $25 products in front of a blue background


Trending on Mashable
NYT Connections hints today: Clues, answers for July 14, 2025
Connections game on a smartphone

Wordle today: Answer, hints for July 14, 2025
Wordle game on a smartphone

NYT Strands hints, answers for July 14
A game being played on a smartphone.

NYT Connections hints today: Clues, answers for July 13, 2025
Connections game on a smartphone

Wordle today: Answer, hints for July 15, 2025
Wordle game on a smartphone
The biggest stories of the day delivered to your inbox.
These newsletters may contain advertising, deals, or affiliate links. By clicking Subscribe, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Thanks for signing up. See you at your inbox!